In the last 24 hours, I have learned the following... that 0 miles combined with 20 miles is not only a bad idea, but also not feasible, that all guys are jerks, and that I am a completely irrational individual. I suppose that last part could be misconstrued as simply being female. So back to the 20 miles. I was seriously optimistic, once I started the morning run at the lake today. Now granted, I was grumbling the whole way from dragging myself out of bed at 5:15 to arriving in the parking lot, but once I got moving, I thought I can do this. About mile 3, which is way to early to be having complications, I started experiencing serious knee pain. I blame the lacing of the shoes, but untying and retying does not seem to work. I finished the first loop around the lake (9 miles for those not familiar) and am gearing up for the second. I can not physically do it. It hurt to walk, it hurt to run, and rather than destroying my legs just to finish, I stop and turn around. Today, I completed a mere 13 miles. A half marathon. And I feel like a complete failure. As I've said before, perspective does strange things to us.
So on to the all guys are jerks bit. I join some friends at a bar to enjoy a cold beer (or two) and watch a great football game. Something happened over the course of the afternoon. I'm not sure what it was, but I wound up leaving in the foulest mood. Right before I left, I declared that one of the parties present was rude. He was apologizing, but I simply dismissed it as being insincere. Another party present mentioned he may not be joining the birthday festivities later on this evening, which I also considered rude. These two guys have completely destroyed my mood, hopefully not for the night. Now, I've always known I'm a head case at least where guys are concerned, but today it is a fact staring me in the face, not to be ignored. That's where the irrational part comes in to play.
Insincerity is high on my list of undesirable traits. I feel like a lot of people just pay me lip service (you can insert guys here if you'd like). I think that if everything people said to me were true, I wouldn't be in the single and cynical state that I find myself in now. As I was departing the bar this afternoon to head home and rest up before dinner, I felt as though they were ushering me out. In quite a condescending manner I might add. It just felt as though they really couldn't care if I stayed, their enjoyment would be the same one way or the other. This feeling, plus a healthy dose of paranoia, just set me off. Hence the irrational part. Now, I'm home. The dinner outing gets going in 2 hours, and I'm in a terrible mood. I really need an attitude change and fast.
Now the interesting twist to this grumpiness, and I know I can pretend it is not truly the case, is the behavior of these guys. I have know both of them for quite some time, and neither of them have ever shown any genuine interest in me. In fact, it seems to me that they are so disinterested, that they go out of their way to shove me off, hence the condescending ushering. It's not at though I'm throwing myself at them either. I'm not. I'm being sociable, but that's about the extent of it. Now I'm wondering, is my foul mood truly because they have behaved rudely, or do I think they are rude because they're not fawning over me. As I was saying, I'm quite irrational.
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