Old Flame

Today is one of those days where I just want to stay home and indulge my lazy side.  Most unfortunate for me, I took the day off yesterday, which left me at the office and craving my bed and slippers... and let's face it a couple of motrin all day.

I really had a fantastic weekend. Exhausting, but still fantastic.  I had the ultimate dinner party Saturday with some close college friends, their hubbies, and a few kids.  My little house was packed, and my dogs and I were loving every minute of it.  Sunday was spent tearing it up on the golf course.  And literally, I mean tearing it up.  My golf game is atrocious, but having played only once or twice a year, can I really expect any better?  I figure the way I play, I get my money's worth.  So the day off yesterday was perfect timing... until I woke up this morning, but who could have predicted that.

So Friday seemed promising as well.  I had a date, with my guy.  As socially inept as he seems, I still hold out hope.  We had a good time, but I left with a familiar feeling... underwhelmed.  He wasn't invited Saturday, because I wanted to enjoy myself.  And sad but true, his presence would not have allowed that.  So last night, after my fantastic day playing hooky, I joined the guy again.  We have this inexplicable ritual of watching the same horribly bad tv show together each week.  There came a point last night, where I felt as though this relationship which we had somehow forged, had become a complete sham.  I'm trying to be more direct and express myself in this relationship.  I ask fair and legitimate questions, and we're not talking anything completely probing or revealing.  But I am simply amazed how I get absolutely no response.  Either completely ignored or the subject changed.  I feel as though he's just being polite.  He's over this relationship, but continues to humor me to avoid the uncomfortable break-up conversation.  How long could he possibly allow this continue?  The scarier thought to me is that he thinks this relationship is working.  While I was at his place last night, I saw the gift I gave him... still unopened... love tokens still undiscovered.

My mood today had been unshakable.  Nothing like being trapped at the office and physically beaten down.  I was left alone most of the day to listen to my ipod and wallow in my funk.  It was after 5 and my grand exit was in sight, when I got the email that brightened my day.  My old flame, the one that broke my heart so many years ago, had suggested a trip to Paris.  When? was all I could think.  This is our thing.  We talk about making this trip that we'll never make, but every time it comes up, it always makes me smile.  Today was no exception.  It's been quite some time since we've actually chatted, and I'm craving his charm.  I think I just might top off my glass of wine and pick up the phone.